When was your last argument? What was it about?

You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

That’s easier to say than to do. Someone makes an unfair comment about you. A family member brings up THAT issue again. You see something online that is so obviously wrong you can barely resist responding.

And sometimes you should respond. There are truths worth defending and wrongs that need to be confronted. 

But not every conflict is one of them.

Proverbs says there is actually honor in staying away from strife. That’s interesting because walking away from an argument doesn’t always feel honorable. Sometimes it feels week or like losing.

We want the last word and want the other person to understand why we’re right. At the very least, we want to make sure everyone else knows why they’re wrong.

So we keep going. One more response. One more text. One more attempt to prove our point. And often nothing improves.

Wisdom knows when to stop.

That doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations. There is a difference between peacemaking and simply refusing to deal with problems. Jesus Himself confronted sin and spoke difficult truths. Love sometimes requires us to have conversations we’d rather avoid.

The question is whether we’re trying to resolve something or simply trying to win.

That can be difficult to recognize in ourselves. What begins as a legitimate disagreement can slowly become about pride. We stop listening and start keeping score. Before long, the original issue almost doesn’t matter anymore. We just don’t want to back down.

Proverbs calls that foolishness.

There is another way. You can decide that the sarcastic comment doesn’t need a response or let someone else have the last word. You can recognize that you’ve both said what needs to be said and continuing the conversation will only make things worse. Sometimes, you can simply ignore the comment and move the conversation on or walk away before an argument even begins.

Sometimes wisdom looks like walking away.

Christians have an especially good reason to do this. We don’t need to win every argument to establish our worth. Our identity is already secure in Christ.

Sometimes, Christians have a greater temptation, though. We feel the righteous need to respond. Maybe the person said something false about God or about someone else. And again, sometimes there needs to be a response, but we need wisdom. Proverbs 26-4-5 tells us,

“Answer not a fool according to his folly,
lest you be like him yourself.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.”

It sounds contradictory at first, but this proverb is telling us that there’s a danger in responding to a fool, you may end up meeting him on his level and sounding like a fool too. The next verse, though tells us that sometimes a foolishness of the fool needs to be addressed. In other words, we need wisdom to know when to respond and wisdom in how we respond when we do. But we don’t always have to respond. 

Jesus endured false accusations, insults, and mockery. At times He answered His accusers. At other times He remained silent. He was not controlled by the need to prove Himself. You don’t have to be either.

So the next time you feel yourself being pulled into a quarrel, ask whether this conversation really needs another response.

Sometimes speaking is wise. And sometimes there is honor in letting it go.

Let’s pray…

Heavenly Father,

You know how easily pride can draw me into unnecessary conflict. Forgive me for the times I have cared more about winning an argument than loving the person in front of me. Give me wisdom to know when I need to speak and when I should let something go. When difficult conversations are necessary, help me enter them with humility and love. And when they are not, give me the security to walk away in peace, remembering that my identity and worth are already secure in Christ.

Amen.

As part of your devotion time, I encourage you to also pray for at least some of the following:

• Your family
• Your local church
• Your pastor
• Some of your fellow church members
• The people on your B.L.E.S.S. list
• Your country and her leaders
• Your community

After praying for these people, you may want to finish your devotion time with the Lord’s Prayer…

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. They will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power, and the glory, forever and every. Amen.