How do you handle someone hurting you?

When we are hurt or wronged, there are several ways we can react. Sometimes people throw a fit. Sometimes they spread rumors against the person. Sometimes they attack the person. Sometimes they stop talking to them.

Go To Them
Jesus encourages us to go to each other. When a person offends you or hurts you, go to them and talk it over with them. The desire, here, is for reconciliation. Throwing fits, attacking, spreading rumors, and ignoring people all leave the relationship broken or make things worse. God wants us to try to restore the relationship.

Listen
Of course, relationships are two-way streets. The person who did the offense must also respond. They must be willing to listen and apologize. Sometimes, when we are confronted with some wrong we did, we get defensive. We may avoid the person we hurt. We may deflect or argue when they come to talk with us or even attack them. These responses only hurt the relationship, where humbly listening and apologizing can restore the relationship.

Forgive
Lastly, the one who was hurt must forgive. If the offender has recognized their error and apologized, forgive them and let it go. That doesn’t mean there are no consequences. There may be consequences or healthy boundaries put in place, but forgiveness is necessary.

It’s What Jesus Did
We offended God. We hurt Him. We rebelled against Him and broke our relationship. He didn’t ignore it or ignore us. He came to us in the flesh. He showed us our error and offered us forgiveness. When we respond in humble repentance and faith, we are forgiven and our relationship with Him restored. He even took the massive extra step of taking our consequences and paying the price Himself.

Dear Jesus,

I have sinned against You, yet You have gone out of Your way to forgive me. Help me to go out of my way to forgive others. When I wrong someone, help me to be humble, listen, and apologize. May I always work towards reconciliation.

Amen.

PS – In the above message, I talk about apologies and forgiveness. Our culture has largely lost what these two things are.

• Apologies – When we apologize, we admit to the wrong we did and we don’t try to justify ourselves. Things, like “I’m sorry you were offended by that,” or “I’m sorry I did that, but I was just trying to…” aren’t really apologies. That actually puts the blame on the person who was originally harmed. An apology is more like, “I’m sorry I did Xyz. I shouldn’t have done that. Can you please forgive me?”
• Forgiveness – One of the phrases I hear a lot following apologies is, “That’s OK.” Not only is that nor forgiveness, but it implies that what the person did that was wrong is actually fine to do. Forgiveness acknowledges the wrong and then removes the guilt. “I forgive you,” is much better.